When a friend asks you what you think about his new tie, you might compliment him because it really is a fancy looking tie. Other times, you may complement him even though you know that the tie is not that great. The constant dilemma of “should I say it?” tends to appear quite so often in situations like these. Dutch management consultant, organizational theorist and author Fons Trompenaars said: “I try to avoid asking a Dutch audience for criticism after my workshops; the experience is much the same as being machine-gunned.”
It is a known fact that most Dutch people tend to be direct. May the question be an opinion on your new clothes or feedback for the presentation you are giving the next day, most Dutch people will tend to avoid “beating around the bush”. For most people, being direct would be considered rather unpleasant at times; the Dutch, however, perceive it as a chance to improve and adjust themselves. Being direct may have its perks as you get to say what you feel is needed to be said, without feeling guilty on missing out on the main points. Some would take it as good, honest criticism or something to build on, while others could take it the wrong way and feel rather offended.
According to CBS News: “directness is prized in the business world”, and is a “key factor that will serve oneself throughout his/her career”. Taking that into consideration, directness is without a doubt an aspect one needs to have, but also one that needs to be properly used. Language and communication have developed over the years, which also means it varies for different individuals. What you might consider is a good thing to say, might not be the same case for others. But how do we avoid the tendency of “being a machine gun” when it comes to asserting oneself in the workplace? Here are the main ways of doing so:
Creating Relationships:
According to The Harvard Business Review (THBR), people often “hold back” because they feel uncomfortable in a situation and tend to create “barriers” between each other. This is either because they are wary of what others might think, or they simply do not know the other people well enough to really give an opinion or comment. The best way to overcome this situation is to connect with fellow colleagues, try to find a common ground, and build on it. Socialize with them outside the workplace as well as inside; choosing a subtle location like a café or local bar would be a great place to have neutral and open conversations. By doing this, the “barriers” between you and your colleagues will eventually be brought down, which gives you more chances to assert yourself in a more open manner, and vice versa, as you understand more about how other people feel and the ways they react.
Being Constructive and Professional with How You Communicate:
Co-founder and chairman of the Handel Group (executive coaching firm in New York), Lauren Zander says: “a great leader needs to have the right amount of assertiveness, intelligence and respect for others.” Understanding the limit of how you take steps on asserting yourself is a very important aspect to remember. A good way to start would be to understand the situation and making sure that you have a constructive and corporative approach to say it. For example, instead of saying: “I don’t like that idea, here is mine…”, you could say: “I think there is room for improvement, such as… What do you think?” which tends to give a more optimistic and constructive feel towards the situation. Comprehending this more subtle approach will not only benefit you, but also the people you are giving feedback to, as it gives an opportunity to a “win-win” situation.
Understanding Body Language and Impressions:
An impression is best defined as a thought of someone or something, which is based on little evidence. When you are asserting yourself, it is more than likely that people will have a certain perception on how you are as a person. While the verbal feature is important in leaving an impression, so is the non-verbal feature. Body language plays a big role. For example, if you were to discuss a certain topic or to listen to a fellow colleague, you should not stand with closed arms. According to Forbes Magazine, having crossed arms signals “defensiveness and resistance”; while having arms at your sides makes you appear more “approachable and open”.
Grasping these main aspects will not only help you get your opinions out there, but it will also help you to understand other people’s opinions as well. For some, being direct may be a taboo when it comes to asserting yourself, but taking time and really noticing the details on how you do it will show you that it really is something that can be understood and used beneficially.
By Brodie Bavidge