The workplace is a difficult place to be in, especially when you have to deal with angry or frustrated co-workers. Dealing with such a colleague requires a sense of tact and sensitivity. It is quite easy to get upset when you are confronted with an angry person, and if you do not know how to respond, you can easily make the situation worse. It is important to know that there are different types of anger. One type is passive-aggressive, which is often exhibited by acting ‘distantly’ or pretending not to hear requests, spreading rumors, and engaging in self-defeating behaviors. The other type is active; that is, directly attacking someone by yelling at him or her, being obscene or rude, or in some rare cases, being physically abusive.
It is no different in the Netherlands. By responding well to an angry co-worker, you can build positive relationships with them and set a good example for others. Your behavior can inspire the people around you and even transform your team's ability to deal with anger. There are several strategies that can foster this process.
First, when you are face-to-face with a frustrated co-worker, try not to lose your temper. Maintaining your composure is crucial, and although it may not completely dilute the situation, it will at least prevent it from blowing out of proportion. It is also useful to let them speak without interrupting. Be an active listener rather than a speaker. This will help you in understanding why he or she is agitated.
Next, it is essential to acknowledge the sentiment. In order to do that, pause for a moment and realize that the other person is experiencing an emotion. Do not dismiss it by saying it is not your fault because in this way you are invalidating how the person feels. Being able to empathize with the situation and their feelings is of big importance.
The next thing to do is to put that emotion into context by asking why it happened. This will allow you to empathize even further and show the other person that you seek transparency, and you are actually involved with them. There is a classic experiment by Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer, where subjects were asked to cut in line at the copy machine. They tested whether giving a reason as to why they were cutting would make any difference. The result is as follows: When someone simply said “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine?” 60% of people allowed her to cut. But when a person said “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush?” the success rate climbed to 94%! The point is that when you share and ask for the ‘because’, people are more likely to be on your side.
Nonetheless, if your co-worker is upset because of some mistake that you have done, do not hesitate to apologize. Cut the excuses and justifications. Accepting your mistake and not justifying yourself with excuses could defuse your co-worker's temper.
However, sometimes nothing seems to help. If your co-worker might exhibit signs of frequent anger issues for no rhyme or reason, it may be time to bring it to the notice of the management. This is not being sneaky, but basically just looking out after your interests.
Stress at work is simply inevitable. It is pretty normal to have feelings of anger and conflict is a natural occurrence of interacting with one another. Anger is an emotion that can lead us to act before we think. We can more effectively handle that anger if we take a few moments to think before we act. Thus, the cost of resolving conflict is negligible relative to the cost of leaving conflicts unresolved. Characteristics, mannerisms, language, and culture may play a role but so does professionalism. At the end, we are all humans no matter nationality, ethnicity, and identity. By allowing yourself to acknowledge the fact that others are entitled to experiencing such emotions as you are, you will bring yourself one step further to anger-management at the workplace.
Nesrin Nazlieva