How To Avoid The Buddy Vs. Boss Conflict for Clear Management

The boundary between boss/buddy relationships can often be difficult to discern for managers, and failure to have a clear distinction can create unwanted pitfalls. On the one hand, you – as a manager – do not want to appear too aloof or impersonal when dealing with your employees. On the other hand, you also want to maintain a professional separation that allows both you and your employees to work efficiently. Establishing firm rules is essential.

There are many reasons why managers want to be friendlier with their staff. A desire to be liked and to be accommodating to your workmates is understandable. Research by Prof. John K Manerdistinguishes between prestige leaders (buddy) and dominant leaders (boss). Prestige leaders tend to make popular decisions over wise decisions, and have trouble giving negative feedback to employees. They facilitate the group’s decision. Dominant leaders align the goals of the employees with those of the company. They mandate a vision. Your choice of which leadership style to adopt will have consequences for your company.

According to organizational psychologist Ben Dattner, if a friendship predates a new manager/employee relationship, then there should be extra emphasis given to clarifying role boundaries. Failure to do so can lead to very uncomfortable situations for both sides. If an employee is more closely connected to someone at a higher level in the company, they are more likely to get promoted, or given privileged access to information in addition to having your reputation spread, according to Monique Valcour, a professor of management at EDHEC Business School in France. Accusations of favouritism are a frequent occurrence, and can affect the group dynamic within a company. So, when a relationship does exist, then there are some basic ways to establish a workable buddy/boss boundary. Set up some clear rules about what your staff expect when interacting with you, both inside and outside of office hours. If you try to be both boss and buddy simultaneously it will probably end in failure, because the inconsistency of your role hurts more than it enhances your relationships. Objectivity is key. Being liked is not the same thing as being trusted or respected, and being too friendly with individual employees will undermine your capacity as a leader.

Linda A. Hill and Kent Lineback, authors of Being the Boss: The 3 Imperatives for Becoming a Great Leader, take a tougher line, stating that personal relationships can only end in disappointment in the long run. According to the two authors, “If you create or allow close personal ties with your subordinates for any of these reasons, you will struggle as a manager. You won’t be able to make tough but necessary people decisions or evaluate people accurately and give critical but helpful feedback”. They emphasise that while friendship exists for itself, the boss-subordinate relationship within a company exists to achieve a purpose, which is accomplishing work. They conclude by stating that: “your relationship with your people should be driven by neither control nor friendship, defined by neither affection nor authority, though affection and authority should certainly be pieces of the puzzle”.

The best professional relationships are those that are positive and open, but that have some degree of distance. If you can understand that feelings are subservient to performance within a company, then you should be able to avoid the most dangerous pitfalls of the buddy/boss conflict.

Adam Watson

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